Monday, January 27, 2014

Review: The Pleasure Pantry (Adult Content NSFW)


I love sex. How is that for a line opener? Do I have your attention now? Great. Seriously though, I do. More importantly I love exciting sex. I don’t think I’m really saying anything that everyone isn’t on the same page about though. 

Do you remember all those after school specials that preached about how if you aren’t mature to buy the condoms, you aren’t mature enough to have sex? If I lived by that, I would probably still be abstinent. I’m a total chicken. I hate buying anything sex related! I get so nervous and just worry that I am being judged somehow.

The Pleasure Pantry is a Godsend for people like me. They send you a discreet brown box filled with naughty excitement! Even the return address is just the name of the owner. In fact, it was so nondescript that I didn’t know what I was opening. I sat at the kitchen table, sliced off the tape, opened it up and slammed it closed! Both my husband and my four year old were now suddenly very interested in what could be in the box!

Later that evening, when the child was very much asleep, I opened it again.
The box was filled with all kinds of goodies. The first one I saw was clearly the neon satin love mask. It is just a simple bright pink eye mask. I’m personally a big fan of blindfolds, but my husband wishes it were a different color! 

Digging further I came across a pair of red Dreamgirl panties. 
As sexy as these are, as you can see, they are a size small. Seeing as I was never asked my size, unfortunately my big butt would never fit in these. Sadly, that tuck in was completely useless to me. It actually made me fairly upset and I wasn’t interested in the box for about another week. Nothing really makes you feel less ‘in the mood’ than a reminder that you are far from society’s idea of beautiful.

After a few days to get over it, I dug further into the box. The next thing I came across was the toy. It was a "Triple Action Arouser". 

My first disappointment was that there were no batteries included in the box, to allow you to jump right in! It was another few days before we could get around to the store to buy batteries for it. When we finally did, I was very excited to try it. 

The center piece is stiff, while the two smaller nubs are flexible. I noticed that the vibration, which is housed in the center, wasn’t strong enough to travel to all points on the vibrator, which I thought made the design a little pointless. It certainly still did the job, but no different than a standard bullet would have. I do love that it is waterproof. For a personal vibrator, that attribute actually ranks pretty high in importance for me.

Below that, there was a burlap sack with a tag that asked, “What’s in your pleasure pantry?”

Untying the bag I found an array of mostly single use, travel lubrications.
The first one was Cleopatra’s Secret female arousal crème: Cool Mint. We have never needed to use lubrication due to dryness. If and when we have ever chosen to use one it would have been for some sort of sensation that it was advertising. 

In this case, that sensation was cool mint. Thanks, but no thanks. I have a bit of sexual PTSD when it comes to cooling burn-like feelings thanks to an incident involving Jalapeño pepper oils that apparently were not gone even after many hand washings. 

The next was a Moist Heat warming formula lubrication. For the same reasons as above, those can be unpleasant sometimes as well. Warming is a bit different than the cooling heat though so I decided to give it a try. There was a little tingle but it leaned more toward the cooling side in my opinion, but it wasn’t really strong either way. Afterwards it seemed to be a bit stickier than I think lubrication should be. It is water based, latex free and condom compatible. 

The third sample in the bag was all natural Swiss Navy water based lubrication. Without any added sensations, I have no need for this but I did open it up to see it. It was very watery which I could see being quite a mess, especially from this sample foil pack! 

The burlap sack itself is a nice tuck in as I can use it to add more discretion to my nightstand drawer. 

When you go to their website, and click ‘get started’ the first prompt is telling you to ‘pick your pleasure.’ There are four options which include boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl, and bridal. My favorite part is that each picture of the couples looks nice and sweet until you scroll over them; then they are posed into a naughty position! 

I really have to give this company major brownie pointed from me for having the diversity of offering specialized boxes for same sex couples. I can’t help but be overly curious as to what differences it would include! 
The boy/girl, girl/girl, and boy/boy box all have the same description stating that it will be filled with “adult novelties, toys and lingerie…the ones you are too shy to purchase yourself but wish you did.” 

Those  three cost $29.00 a month, or $34.00 a month for a 3-month trial. I thought it was a little strange that it would go up in price when you commit to more months. Maybe they include more? 

The bridal kit says the same plus bachelorette party goodies and adult bridal lingerie. The bridal kit will come for three months in a row costing $33.00 each month ($99 total). 

When going through the process I can see it kept saying there is an option to fill out a profile to customize what comes in you box, but it doesn’t seem to be an option until after you already pay. Therefore, I cannot vouch for what kind of customization there is, but hopefully sizing is one of them! 
There are no pictures on the website or their facebook. They say they wanted to keep the discretion of their customers, as well as some mystery and surprise I assume. Other reviews are the only way I was able to get other ideas as to what you can expect. The few I found were all quite similar to each other with small variations. 
Browsing online I would say between the toy, the undies, and the blindfold, the box worth would come to right around $30, so the surprise element would probably make this box worth it for many couples! 

I definitely felt like for us, this box was more for me than for us as a couple. My husband doesn’t care much for vibrators and certainly sees it as more of a solo act. The panties were not remotely my size, the mask is cool but the hot pink doesn’t do much for him. I could still see doing this again as I do think it’s worth another try. I just wonder how different it would really be month to month if you were getting it often. 
I honestly do recommend this for Valentine’s Day or anniversaries ~ I think it would be a fun surprise to discover together! I think this company has great potential and I look forward to ordering again. 


  1. Woah Nelly! Although I like the concept, I agree with you that I'd be upset to find those size small panties. That is something the company should definitely take into consideration if they hope to keep customers coming back.
    I was actually searching for something along these lines for a Valentine gift, so I'll definitely be checking out this product as an option. Great timing for a very saucy review!

    1. I'm confident that it was just an oversight when setting up the review. As mentioned, it says there is customization options when setting up customer profile :) I bet the hubs would love this for V-day, glad I could introduce it to you!

  2. Just got mine and I was really disappointed in the lameness in mine. Lamest one was a vibrating mustache for a lesbian couple... Guess I won't order again.

  3. Oh dear, Crystal! That seems more than a little.. insensitive :- / We still use things from our box (and the blindfold came in handy a few nights ago when i had a migraine and very bright street lights outside my window haha!) I would love to see what actually comes in the same sex boxes. I'm sorry they didn't become something useful for you!

  4. I love the Fantasy box. I think it's a great idea for lovers. Thanks for introducing me to it. My husband thanks you. He just doesn't know it.

  5. The size on the panties is o/s which is "one size" not small. It's one of the "one size fit's all" thongs, and those tend to run towards a medium/large size rather than a small. Did you take them out of the package?